Committing to learn how to swim. Ever since I was, oh about 10 or 11, I've had this fear of drowning. Perhaps this fear began even before that. I was born in India, in some remote village, with no big body of water nearby. We also didn't have a mode of transportation other then public transport to go anywhere. We also didn't have a "reason" to go anywhere besides around town and to/from relative's homes. We really didn't go on any vacations. Okay so that may have sounded a bit sad, but it never felt that way. It was just the life style I grew up in. Getting back to the body of water... so the only time we saw water was during the monsoon season when we'd get hit with torrential rain causing all the creeks and rivers to overflow. Somehow we still had to make it to school in that. If I could create a painting of this, imagine walking across a bridge made of cement blocks and when you look over its a massive, perhaps even angry flow of brown mud water. So high that if I were to sneak my legs over the ledge ever so slightly, my feet would take a nice dip and get caught in whatever is floating through there. When I walked across this bridge, I did look over to see what could be floating through. And I'd see huge trees and a few other objects. Now that sounds scary, and maybe a little bit of that memory stayed with me. Getting back to the body of water... so that was the only time I witnessed in India big massive body of water. My parents certainly didn't feel the need to throw me into a pool or ocean; well, because we didn't have one near by. And they too have never really learned to swim. It just wasn't "necessary." Fast forward to our big lottery - coming to America, where anything is possible if you're ready to kill yourself lol j/k. When a family in any remote village in India, China, Indonesia, etc gets an offer to come to America, noone ever seems to provide a guide of "what's really going to happen when you get there." Perhaps thats the beauty of it, that you can truly get to wherever you want depending on the route you choose, if you choose one at all. I digress, thats a different story for another day. Getting back to the body of water... once we arrived to the land of dreams, we landed in Los Angeles, CA. Nothing ever looked so beautiful. My uncle, aunt, and cousins who welcomed us, also showed us around town. They took us to near by beautiful beaches. It was one of those days that I so vividly remember, standing where the waves were crashing so quietly. The water barely got up to my knees. Somehow I lost balance and I fell. But when I fell, a certain panic set in that I had drowned or was going to. Ever since then, that fear has grown to a monster size fear. Growing up, going to college, I've certainly taken trips to the beach around this country and to the islands or mexico. And yes, I do step into the pool but only enough to hang on to the side walls. And yes, I do step into the ocean but only enough to let myself get wet up to my knees. So why do I stop so short? I don't know. And I actually do love the feeling of being in the water, there is a sense of calmness and peace I get. It truly feels like the quietest place I've ever experienced - and this I get by letting the water come up only to my knees... so I want to know what it feels like I were to let myself go fully into the water. So this year 2012, its my new years resolution to learn how to swim. If I can achieve learning how to swim, I truly will have overcome a massive phobia. PS - I should have mentioned, my parents for some reason also gave me a name that means "the goddess of water" - so you can tell, I truly owe it myself to learn how to swim, if not for anything else... I have to at least live up to my name :)
